brandysblunders

I borrowed a pack of crackers from Robin to try and settle my stomach a bit. (I don't know why crackers are supposed to do that, but hey, I'll give it a shot.) I opened the package, and of course, the entire thing exploded, sending crackers flying into the air. Most of them landed in the photo scanner. Oops. So if any of my pictures look like they have crumbs on them, that's what happened.

I just tripped over my own two feet. Literally. I got up from my chair at work, then proceeded to trip, and I kinda got that momentum thing going where you just continue to trip for a few feet until a solid object stops you. The solid object was my neighbor's cube, and I gracefully knocked over a bunch of things in the process. Also perfect timing, there's a bunch of *important* people visiting and having a meeting in the conference room next to me. I managed to trip right as they were coming out for lunch. Heh. I'm still giggling over this.

I came back to my desk at work, and Josh had left two gloves on my laptop. I saw them and let out an audible gasp, and my heart skipped a beat. I got scared to death by a pair of gloves! Why?

A similar thing happened not too long ago in my apartment. I was scared by a rug. Never mind that the rug had been there for months. I just turned around, saw it, and it scared the crap out of me, so I yelled.

Sometimes I worry about myself.

I decided to run to Target to return some DVDs I bought on a whim. I also needed juice and Robitussin. I stepped outside my apartment door, and everything was dark. There are lights all along the hallway, but for some reason, they were all out, which made things look really creepy. All of our apartment entrances are on the inside of a building, like a hotel. Anyway. It was dark. I thought, "That's really weird." Then, it hit me. I had my wallet, my phone, my DVDs to return, but no keys. NO KEYS!! Why did I not pick up my keys?? I went back to my door, but of course, it was locked.

Nooooooo!!!!!!!!

Kicking myself, I walked down the dark hall to the elevator, and went to the lobby. Our apartment manager, Charlie, lives in our building, luckily, and his emergency pager number is on the office door. I knew this wasn't *technically* an emergency, but he lives on my hall just a few doors down, so I didn't think it would be a big deal. I dial the pager number and leave my cell number. Then I wait. A few minutes later, someone calls.

"This is Simone."

Simone is the chick who takes care of things when Charlie isn't around. I wasn't expecting her to call me.

"Oh, ummmm....hi. This is Brandy from apartment ----. Um, I know this isn't an emergency, but I locked myself out of my apartment.... I was actually calling for Charlie....?"

Simone: "Oh, well Charlie's out of town. And I'm out right now. I'll probably be back there in an hour or so. I can call you when I get back in, but it'll be a while."

Me: "Ohhhh. Um, okay. Well, that's okay. Uh.............okay thanks."



Well shit.

I keep a spare apartment key in my office, which, luckily, is walking distance from my apartment. This was all fine and dandy until they remodeled the office a week ago. We used to have doors where you just punch in a code to get in. Now you need a key card. Where's my key card? Inside my apartment, of course. OF COURSE. I could walk up to the office, but no one is gonna be there on a Saturday night. And there's no way security will let me in. If they even had a way to get in. The office is really secure. Which sucked for me.

So I pull out my cell phone and start looking through numbers. I had a few of my coworkers' numbers. Which one is going to make this the least embarrassing? I had on no makeup, hadn't washed my hair in days, my t-shirt had stains all over it... Not exactly my normal work attire. "B" lives the closest to me, so I called her. Voice mail. Left a message. "S" is the next closest. Call her. Voice mail. Left a message. "P" lives pretty far out, but I thought maybe she'd have the numbers of other people who lived close. She didn't answer at home, so I called her cell. Thank god, she answered. I tell her my predicament.

"Well, this must be my night for picking up strays."

Apparently, "P" was in her husband's truck on the way to the vet. She found a dog outside her house. She said it looked like the dog had given birth not too long ago, but then something happened, and it apparently crawled up in her bushes to die. She found it and was taking it to the emergency vet. She said she could come get me after she dropped off the dog.

Well now I just feel like an ass! "P" is being a good samaritan, and now she has to come take care of me, too. Gah.

So, I go back in the building to wait. I got bored, and went back up to my floor. I thought I'd try the whole open-the-lock-with-a-credit-card thing. Naturally, that didn't work. And, of course, at the moment I'm trying to pick my lock with a credit card, a woman walks by, her arms loaded with shopping bags.

"I'm Simone. I stopped what I was doing to come back. Let me put this stuff down, and I'll be right back."

She was obviously pissed off.

"I'm sorry! I'm so sorry!! I can't believe I did this...."

"Yeah."

She comes back and unlocks my door with a master key.

"Thank you thank you thank you thank you. I'm so so so sorry about this."

"Okay."


Yeah, she was really irritated. Not that I blame her. But I didn't do it on purpose. *sigh* I'll send her flowers on Monday.


I get back in my apartment and call "P" to tell her I don't need a rescue crew. She said she had just left the vet. She took the dog in, and as soon as they got it into the room, it died.

Of course, at this point, I just start crying. I felt so bad for this dog who had been out in the cold, starving to death. It found a rescue angel in "P", and at that point, it gave up and went on to the rainbow bridge. I'm sure it was for the best, but I was so upset. :(

As soon as I got off the phone with "P", "B" called. I had to explain the situation. Finally, I got on the road to the store. And as soon as I start driving, it starts pouring down snow.

WTF?!

Where was this last night when I was snuggled up in my bed waiting for it? Why did it wait until now to show up?! I could barely see where I was going. It was beautiful, but I didn't want to drive in it!

I finally made it to Target, where then insanity continued. You know how the person in front of you in the return line ALWAYS has a difficult situation? So it took forever. I finally get up there, she goes to refund my money, which was about $70, and she doesn't have enough cash. She counts out the entire drawer of fives and ones, but she doesn't have enough. I don't know why they can't put it back on my debit/credit card. So, she had to call for someone to come over and unlock another register and get cash.... All the while, there are more people behind me waiting to return things. (And they're thinking..."You know how the person in front of you in the return line ALWAYS has a difficult situation?")

So after a year and a day, and a trip to Sally Beauty Supply and Office Max for some quick items, I finally get back home. "S" called me while I was in Office Max. She said, "Are you okay? I'm on the other line with my grandmother, but I wanted to check...."

"S" was on the phone with her grandmother, who, a week ago, was in the hospital and they didn't think she'd make it. I'm like, "Gah!! I'm fine! Go back and talk to your grandmother!!"

So, while I'm feeling like an idiot for having to call people because I locked myself out, I feel even worse because all the people I called are trying to take care of other people/animals who are DYING......






If you'll pardon me, I'm going to go crawl into a hole.

I'll make sure to take my keys.

My phone has been missing since Friday morning. I don't have a land line, and I rarely use my cell, so it's not unusual for me to misplace it. But I looked *everywhere* and couldn't find it. I was about to go out and buy a new one, but first I decided to try the PhoneNotify service to call myself. I thought if I could hear it ring, I could find it.

It worked.

My phone was in the trash can. Hahhahahahah!

I thought I'd light some candles to freshen up the place a bit. The wicks were pretty far down in the jars, though, and I couldn't reach them with the lighter without burning my hand. So, I thought I'd light a piece of paper on fire and stick that down in the jar. I'm sure you can guess how this turns out. It started off fine, but the paper became engulfed pretty quickly. I couldn't get the wick to light, though, and soon enough, I had a hand full of flames. I didn't want to drop it on the carpet since my apartment is about 100 years old - the carpet would probably ignite immediately. I tried to hurry into the kitchen (yes, I know you shouldn't run with an open flame, but what the hell else could I do?) to the sink, but I had to drop it before I reached the water. It fell on the linoleum where I finally smothered the flames with...what else? My candle. Haha. So now, instead of the apartment smelling like vanilla candle, it pretty much smells like burned linoleum. Tasty.

So, I was having problems with my inTARnet. I checked my TV, but it was working fire. So I reset the modem and rebooted the computer. Still no luck. Damn. So I called Comcastic. They said, "Are there any lights blinking?" I saidd, "Well, there's two lights but they're not bliniking." He said, "Oh okay, well go ahead and push the big green button at the top.


......


................





My fucking modem was off. I am SUCH a dork.

Another cat-related blunder. I used some gold garland to wrap a lot of my presents this year. I thought I had everything out of cat reach, but apparently I was wrong. Bitsy found her way into the tinsel. I've been finding cat puke everywhere....with gold stars in it!!!!

Coworker to me: "My shoulders are so stiff. I had to get up and walk around for a minute."

Me to coworker: "Yeah, I wish they'd put a massage parlor in here."


Then I walked off. A few seconds later, I realized that might not have been the correct terminology.


:(

This wasn't exactly MY blunder, but it definitely affected me.

It's all fun and games until someone loses an eye.

First of all, whomever sent me iTunes gift cards TOTALLY rocks. (Hmm...literally!) They came in the mail today, but it didn't say who they were from. (I hope I didn't buy them for myself when I was on one of my Ambien trips!! I have a tendency to shop and not remember it.)

So, I peeled the cards off the cardholder thingy so I could get to the PIN to redeem them. They still had sticky stuff on the back of them, so I put them sticky-side up on the desk. Well, Chloe walks over, accidentally steps on one of the cards, it gets stuck to her paw, she shakes it off, and it goes flying INTO MY EYE. I yelled, and she ran off, and then even though I was hurting, I started cracking up, because the situation was so absurd. How does that happen??

I just pulled the stirrers out of my hot chocolate, and they dripped cocoa all over my desk, some papers I'm working on, and then all down my crotch. It looks like I peed on myself.

I went to the doctor's office, parked my car, opened the door, and walked head-first into a giant tree branch.

This was a good one. I decided to make some hot chocolate at work. I used my office mug. I assumed they gave us mugs one could put in the microwave. You know, like if you had to heat up coffee or something. Obviously, I was wrong. My milk came out stone cold, but the plastic on the mug had melted. I guess the cup part of the mug is made of metal. Well then, how the hell are you supposed to heat things up?! Man, melted plastic smells REALLY bad. And now I need a new mug.

I dropped my yogurt container in the office kitchen. It busted, and sent yogurt all over the floor. Ah well, I don't really like yogurt, anyway.

Bollocks! I'm such a dork. I'm sending my grandmother a card, and I decided to seal it with my wax stamp. Only, the first two times, I didn't put enough wax on, so I scraped it off and started over. The third time, I put a ton on, and it ran all the way down the envelope, then onto my keyboard. So, I got pissed at myself and slammed the stamp down into the wax. Which, of course, made wax go EVERYWHERE. On my monitor, desk, clothes. Dammit. But at least I got a good laugh out of it.

I've been a klutz as long as I can remember. I fall down, run into things, drop things, misplace things, wear mismatched shoes....you name it, I've done it. Just to amuse myself, I've decided to start keeping a journal of all the klutzy things I do. It makes me laugh. Hopefully, it will make other people laugh, too.